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Stop Assuming… Does anyone else find this annoying??

Ok – I have been thinking about this post for a couple months.

Why are people generally in such bad moods as they go about their day? Why do we miss the fact that this is all we have – each moment, each day, this is it. Why aren’t we kinder to eachother? Why do people kinda love drama and being angry over nothingness?
 

WHY WHY WHY ???

I ask that knowing sometimes we do get angry and that’s ok too. But why over the nothing stuff? – that’s what I am referring to here.

I am not even talking about the BIG things. It’s the little things that have got me typing away! Actually it’s the way people regularly ASSUME why you did something or what is going on in a given situation.

assume Stop Assuming... Does anyone else find this annoying??

Don’t Assume…

So this post is about why ASSUMING is NOT COOL…

We make assumptions all day long about why he said, she said, they did, this happened, it must mean, and on and on. And here is a simple example of what I am talking about that happened to me twice over the last few months:

Have you ever found yourself in a public carpark accidentally going the wrong way? Every now and then I do. The second last time was a few months ago. I didn’t realise, but as I safely passed an older gentleman in his car, he made it his business to let me know just how rude I am for doing so. You should have seen the look on his face. I wanted to yell out this to him but I kept quite “Yep, I got up this morning just with the intention of annoying you (well the words I was actually thinking weren’t quite as polite!).

The last time was a few days ago. Again I took a wrong turn and by the time I realised, it was a little late to do anything but safely move on through the carpark and get back on track. As a lady passed me with that familiar look of disgust, I thought to do the right thing. I wound down my window and said ‘sorry about that, these things happen’ thinking that would help and plus it was TRUE. Nope, no such luck.

She wanted to be angry. She wanted to have her say about what a bad person I was for this. She yelled something back at me – it was so fast and high pitched I couldn’t tell what the words were, but the sentiment was clear – she was not happy! But no-one had been inconvenienced, we all moved safely on.

If you are reading this the lady in the car who screamed at me, please know this. I didn’t do it to annoy you or to get my kicks. I made a simple honest mistake. I have a feeling you have done the same as well. And we both will do it again. Please stop assuming we are all out to do wrong towards one another. Most of us aren’t.

All I am saying is that everyday we ASSUME a lot of things. That assuming can cause a lot of sadness and drama. And worst of all, anger within ourselves. For what purpose?

Perhaps we could go a little easier on eachother, practice a little more kindness and wait before we pounce…

Can anyone else relate??

Shine Brightly Live Lightly

Elli J x

 

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 Stop Assuming... Does anyone else find this annoying??

Thank you for reading! I am happily committed to projects that bring people together to find meaning and clarity in who they are and how they want to live. I continue to learn and grow, from my early roles in marketing and publishing, working with inspirational teachers and then branching out to channel my creative side in my own projects where I get to share inspirations with women to be the best version of themselves (and myself!) Whether it is doing a wardrobe makeover, blogging, sharing lifestyle enhancing products or designing new concepts that make a difference, I truly relish the opportunity to be an Ambassador for Women with the vision for us to shine brighter and live lighter.

I look forward to our community growing with the continued vision of meaningful conversations and ideas that leave a profound impact for as many people as we can.

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7 Comments

  1. 女の人

    We are humans and humans tend to make their own judgement and assumptions everyday. Sometimes we assume that people are angry with us when there’s a period of silence when there is actually no issue. Be kind and we assume something, be nasty and we assume something else as well. We try to please everyone around us and therefore we give ourselves alot of emotional tension and stress thinking about the reactions and actions of others. Basically at the end of the day the one who assumes is the one who made up the whole situation may it be good or bad. Assumption creates emotions that creates reactions that draws up the whole situation.

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    • Thank you for those words – it is so true that we can be our own worst enemy. Let’s be kinder to ourselves I say x

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  2. Hi Elli, Seriously, sometimes I intentionally go the wrong way, simply because it’s easier and I find people’s ‘stares’ amusing. Sometimes it’s ok to break the rules so long as no one gets hurt. The thing about assuming is it leaves you totally vulnerable of making huge mistakes and looking foolish. We are not mind readers and when we ‘assume’ we are making a decision about what we think is going on, not what we know is going on… I say, leave assumptions to those who like to look foolish and those of us who can actually mindread! Great article xx

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    • Thanks Janelle! I like what you said – and am pretty sure plenty of people go the ‘wrong way’ and end up in the ‘right place’!! Elli xx

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  3. Hi there, I have a story to tell that is related to assuming. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years and he is a really nice guy but he assume a LOT!! I mean, everyday. There was a party in my company during lunch time, they usually have left over. Today, there is no left over from the party. So, I went out to buy lunch and my boyfriend called. I told him there was no left over at the party and he “assume” that others have taken all the left over and I was not fast enough to go get some. So, I told him, no, there was NO left over, period.
    I was like, why he had to assume that other have taken all the left over. The other day, I told him I am going to email a friend that I have not kept in touch for a long time. Then he said; you are going to email Cindy. I was like; do you really know all of my friends? When did he gain the superpower of reading other people’s mind? I do not want to get mad from small things like that but it is just so ANNOYING!! Can someone else relate?

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  4. Thanks for leaving a comment Kam! You can never control the other person so think about how you personally can react in these situations. It sounds like you are doing a good job explaining what happened.

    I would just continue to give short responses, then you are not welcoming a conversation or potential argument. Instead you are answering his assumption about what happened with a simple yes or no.

    There are different perspectives for every situation based on where you stand so a simple reminder of “Remember you weren’t there, and did not see what happened.” may work too.

    Do your best not to let his comments get to you too much because he may just be saying these little things to try and stay close to you and show he cares too.

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  5. Hi Kam and thank you so much for sharing with everyone as I am sure so many people reding your comment have or are experiencing the same thing and accordingly, upsetting themselves because we in turn, just like Elli said are assuming our partners, friends, family etc are having a go at us or annoying us on purpose.

    It is so hard sometimes to step back and look at the situation without having any emotional attachment to that particular situation. One thing that I have found to be helpful, is to really work at not placing “meaning” on my partners, friends, family comments, because the “meaning” that I place on what they are saying is just that…”my meaning” and not necessarily theirs. I made the decision a long time ago that I want to believe that their highest intention is for me to be happy and that they may just be making a comment without truely thinking about the consequences and how that affects us and that the “meaning” we place on it, is actually totally different to the meaning that they want to portray.

    It can be hard, but perhaps we need to just have a good think about how we can communicate with them without coming across in a negative, accusing or aggressive way that it is not ok the way that they are choosing to communicate their frustrations with us. Ask for them to be really clear on what it is that has made them make that comment, as you may be surprised that they are really only getting cranky, making assumptions or coming across in an annoying, controlling way because they really care about you :-) . Then, the “meaning” of what they have said is going to become clear and give you the reason “why” they have said what they have.

    After establishing this, we then know where we stand and can then make an informed decision on whether we want to continue accepting that behaviour from them when they assume etc or if we need to work with that person to create better ways to communicate or in some cases, move away from a relationship that isn’t serving us.

    Just always know that no-one can make us feel bad, upset, annoyed etc as we choose to feel the way that we do and take on that sadness, annoyance or negativity. I know that sounds harsh, but it’s actually true and that when we are feeling that way that we have the same choice to feel good about who we are and in actual fact, we deserve and have every right to only want to feel that way!

    So the choice is yours :-) and if you choose that you dont want to be spoken to in a certain way, then you need to politely, calmly & lovingly make that known as you are an incredible gift to this world and so deserve to be loved, cherished and respected :-)

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